i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
