Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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