you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
