I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
