Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
