Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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