I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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