grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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