Porn is love you can see.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
