you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
