She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
