having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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