ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
