3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
