Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
