It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
not ubering you a puppy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
