First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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