How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
