I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
