I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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