You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
