She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize