So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
