I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
