We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
