my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
