Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
