I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
