Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
