You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
