Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
jump out the window naked night went bad
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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