On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
