he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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