he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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