i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
