I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
