Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
