She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
