me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
