just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
