I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cockslap morals
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
