Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
