Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
