I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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