I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
