You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All the doctor said was why
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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