That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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