Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
