Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
