I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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