we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
